Genre: Comedy, Sci-Fi

Year: 1999

Country: USA

Rating:

Starring: Bill Corbett, Patrick Brantseg, Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Mary Jo Pehl

Director: Kevin Murphy

My Review: Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Final Justice: A 1985 title (lampooned in 1999), starring Joe Don Baker and a bunch of other b-rate actors. Joe Don Baker plays Texas deputy sheriff Thomas Jefferson Geronimo (no I'm not making this up). Fighting corruption, serving up justice, plaguing mobsters at home and abroad. After two mobsters make the mistake of killing one of Geronimo's co-workers, the deputy tracks them down across the border in Mexico, but that border don't mean squat when justice is at hand. In a shoot out, Geronimo kills one of the mobsters and brings the other in for Justice. The legal system insists that Joe Palermo be extradited back to Italy to face justice there. Geronimo is tasked to escort him back to Italy, but the plane has to land in Malta (yes the island nation of Malta) when engine problems arise. The rest of the movie is played out in Malta. Geronimo whips out the pistol and challenges all comers to a shoot-out at the drop of the hat. "You think you can take me? Go ahead, draw!", continually breaks the law, gets thrown in jail, interrogates prisoners, bartenders, innocent bystanders, monks… His sidekick, a Maltese female detective attempts to help Geronimo in his investigation, but I'm not exactly sure why she was in the movie (I've got my suspicions…). The acting was horrible, the editing atrocious, the quality of the film horrible, the dialog ridiculous, you get the idea. The only redeeming features of this film? The go-go dancers at the "Smuggler's Hideout", the ridiculous dialog, and the lampooning treatment of Mike Nelson and his robots (The cast of MST3K). Their analysis of the pop song "Owner of a Lonely Heart", their demeaning diatribe on all Maltese men, their ridicule of Goosio - the friend of Maltese children everywhere. The wisecracking crew of MST3K continue to impress. If it hadn't been for them, this film would have been much harder to endure. If the film quality (color and sound) had been better, this movie might have qualified for some 'So bad it's good' pity. In this case, the movie gets a 1 out of 5. Mike Nelson and the crew of MST3K get a 3 out of 5.

Summary: His name is Thomas Jefferson Geronimo. His brand of justice doesn't stop at the Texas border! Geronimo (Baker) is a deputy sheriff working in a small town in South Texas. When two mafia hit men try to escape across the border to Mexico, Geronimo, with the skill of a quick-draw gunfighter, kills one and captures the other. When Geronimo tries to take his prisoner to Italy for extradition, they find themselves on an unplanned layover in Malta. The Texas lawman must battle the Mafia to finish the job he started.

Genre: Drama

Year: 1976

Country: USA

Rating:

Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Carl Weathers, Burgess Meredith

Director: John G. Avildsen

My Review: The original Rocky is an epic classic - An Academy award winning masterpiece (Director, Picture, Film editing). Early in the career of Sylvester Stallone, this was the movie that truly launched his career. The movie that will forever be the touchstone attached to his name. The movie was a rather low budget (a little over $1m) drama filmed primarily in Philadelphia, the city itself was one of the most important stars of the movie. The work ethic, the people, the hopes and dreams of everyone who knew Rocky. The story - Rocky is a 'nobody'; a down on his luck fighter who takes fights that just get him by. Struggling with the his personal demons and the environment of his working class neighborhood, Rocky gets a chance to 'be somebody' when he's offered a chance to fight Apollo Creed (played by Carl Weathers) for the heavy weight title. What starts out as a publicity stunt soon turns into Rocky's chance. His one chance to make his life better. To elevate himself, his girl, his neighborhood, the nation. A truly awesome 'root-for-the-underdog' story. Outstanding direction, editing, acting, production and writing that can't be beat. How many times have you seen this film? Of course I own it. Watch it when you're feeling down - A guaranteed 'pick-me-up'. I give it a 5 out of 5.

Summary: A small time boxer gets a once in a lifetime chance to fight the heavyweight champ in a bout in which he strives to go the distance for his self-respect.

Genre: Documentary, History

Year: 2010

Country: Canada, USA, France, Germany, UK

Rating:

Starring: Werner Herzog, Dominique Baffier, Jean Clottes, Jean-Michel Geneste, Carole Fritz

Director: Werner Herzog

My Review: Not all that impressed. Here's a documentary written and directed by Werner Herzog (an art house director who's impressed me with a few of his films). Here is a documentary that could have been far better. With exclusive access to Chauvet cave in Southern France, the earliest known cave paintings were a stunning site, but that's as far as this documentary goes. I would have loved more information about the cave, the people who discovered it, it's size, the difficulties exploring it, etc, etc. Unfortunately, the film is extremely limited in scope. Apparently, much of the credit for this film goes towards it's 3D aspects; which are completely lost upon watching a standard presentation. The ponderous narrative asks a lot of questions, but no answers are offered. The musical score was a complete distraction. Cacophonic, confusing, loud, discordant beats; which only made me desperately want to tune it out. The end of the movie wanders far off track with a visit to a nearby sanctuary where we get to see a bunch of Albino Alligators… What? I would definitely recommend that you simply watch this movie with the sound turned off. The narrative is a waste of time, and the soundtrack more than distracting. For the art work in the caves, some visual aspects, some good camera work (towards the beginning of the film and shots outside the cave) and production value, I give this documentary a 2 out of 5.

Summary: In 1994, a group of scientists discovered a cave in Southern France perfectly preserved for over 20,000 years and containing the earliest known human paintings. Knowing the cultural significance that the Chauvet Cave holds, the French government immediately cut-off all access to it, save a few archaeologists and paleontologists. But documentary filmmaker, Werner Herzog, has been given limited access, and now we get to go inside examining beautiful artwork created by our ancient ancestors around 32,000 years ago. He asks questions to various historians and scientists about what these humans would have been like and trying to build a bridge from the past to the present.

Genre: Action

Year: 1968

Country: USA

Rating:

Starring: Charlton Heston, Roddy McDowall, Kim Hunter, Maurice Evans, James Whitmore

Director: Franklin J. Schaffner

My Review: The original, not that ridiculous 're-imagination'. This is a classic movie. Directed by Franklin J. Schaffner ("Patton"), based on a novel by novel by Pierre Boulle, and starring Charlton Heston and Roddy McDowall, this movie spawned four sequels, novelizations, cartoons, a TV series, as well as a remake by Tim Burton. Four Earth astronauts are set to return to earth after a long trip through space. Something goes wrong and they're awakened early. With the lone female dead, they crash land on an 'alien' planet and discover Apes in charge of Man. The social commentary is great, the music outstanding, and the story unbeatable. The ending shot of the movie is unforgettable. I give this movie a 5 out of 5.

Summary: An astronaut crew lands on a planet where intelligent apes are the dominant species.

Genre: Action, Drama, Sci-Fi, Thriller

Year: 2011

Country: USA

Rating:

Starring: James Franco, Freida Pinto, John Lithgow, Brian Cox, Tom Felton

Director: Rupert Wyatt

My Review: A reboot of the 'Planet of the Apes' franchise is underway. The first movie in this reboot 'Planet of the Apes' by Tim Burton was less than impressive - I gave that movie a 2 out of 5. This movie does a much better job, but it's still plagued by a problem I'll call 'Completely unrealistic apes'. In this movie; as in the Tim Burton re-imagination of Planet of the Apes, the Apes are capable of physical feats that would be patently impossible in reality. Their ability to leap 30 feet, crash through plate glass windows without getting cut, swing from fragile objects, climb like super-powered Ninjas, move as quickly as 'Transformers' and defy the laws of gravity in ways that make your head spin. The cgi movement and unrealistic motion is so poorly handled that it completely destroys any sense of reality established by the early parts of the movie. Why do directors, editors and movie studios think that the moviegoers believe this fictional manipulation of reality? They spend millions of dollars to make the cgi look real, and then they do things with the cgi characters that destroys that illusion. The cgi in this movie was good, the skin texture, integration into the live action and shading (combinations of light and colors) was excellent. Unfortunately, the totally unrealistic way in which the cgi characters moved spoiled that fine cgi. The story? As a reboot, it follows the basic premise of the original series. Borrowing some of the material from the fourth film (Conquest of the Planet of the Apes) of the original series, this movie is set as a prequel to the Planet of the Apes remake/re-imagining by Tim Burton. In this movie, the Apes are led to a revolution when Caesar decides to free a group of apes from a laboratory where they're being used as test subjects in a genetic research project to cure Alzheimers. The plot is well developed, up until the half way point. At that point the writing falls apart, accelerating the plot in a totally unrealistic way, and speeding up the projected plot in a way that makes no sense whatsoever. Leaving large plot holes, one can only wonder what happened to the script. The acting was fine (John Lithgow and Andy Serkis (as Caesar) did the best work), the direction pretty good, and the cgi rendering excellent (aside from the way the apes moved). Unfortunately the poor writing (after the midpoint of the movie) and 'Completely unrealistic apes' syndrome nearly destroy this movie. I give it a 3 out of 5 as a pretty good action flick.

Summary: At the story's heart is Caesar (Andy Serkis), a chimpanzee who gains human-like intelligence and emotions from an experimental drug. Raised like a child by the drug's creator, Will Rodman (James Franco) and a primatologist Caroline Aranha (Freida Pinto), Caesar ultimately finds himself taken from the humans he loves and imprisoned in an ape sanctuary in San Bruno. Seeking justice for his fellow inmates, Caesar gives the fellow apes the same drug that he inherited. He then assembles a simian army and escapes the sanctuary - putting man and ape on a collision course that could change the planet forever.

Genre: Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi, Thriller

Year: 2001

Country: USA

Rating:

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Tim Roth, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Clarke Duncan, Paul Giamatti

Director: Tim Burton

My Review: Planet of the Apes - 'The re-imagination of' The launch of a series of films. A remake/reboot of the POTA franchise. Directed by Tim Burton, starring Mark Wahlberg, Helena Bonham Carter and others. As indicated, this is not a direct remake of the original movie. It's a re-imagining. A reboot to the franchise. The same characters, the same basic premise - A planet where Apes rule over men - and a different path to the conclusion. The cgi in this movie suffers from something I'll call 'Completely unrealistic apes'. The Apes in this movie are capable of physical feats that would be patently impossible in reality. Their ability to leap 30 feet, swing from fragile objects, climb like super-powered Ninjas, move as quickly as 'Transformers' and defy the laws of gravity in ways that make your head spin, is simply sickening. The cgi movement and unrealistic motion is so poorly handled that it completely destroys the sense of reality established by the actors and the dialog. Unlike the original, this movie makes the mistake of casting humans and apes in too similar a light. The primitive humans are nearly as intelligent or capable as the apes. They speak, they reason, they seem fully capable of fending for themselves. Mark Walhberg's performance was o.k. and Paul Giamatti's good, but the writing was poor, and I didn't feel much of a sense of humanity's struggle against overwhelming odds in this movie. The poor cgi and poor writing pretty much ruined this movie. It's hard not to compare this to the original, but the original was excellent in every way - Despite the fact that they didn't spend $100 million dollars on it. What a disappointment. 2 out of 5.

Summary: It is the year 2029: Astronaut Leo Davidson boards a pod cruiser on a Space Station for a "routine" reconnaissance mission. But an abrupt detour through a space time wormhole lands him on a strange planet where talking apes rule over the human race. With the help of a sympathetic chimpanzee activist named Ari and a small band of human rebels, Leo leads the effort to evade the advancing Gorilla Army led by General Thade and his most trusted warrior Attar. Now the race is on to reach a sacred temple within the planet's Forbidden Zone to discover the shocking secrets of mankind's past - and the key to its future.

Genre: Science Fiction & Fantasy

Year: 1968

Country: UK

Rating:

Starring: Keir Dullea, Gary Lockwood, William Sylvester, Daniel Richter, Leonard Rossiter

Director: Stanley Kubrick

My Review: 2001 - A Space Odyssey: Much has been written about this sci-fi classic. An enduring and time-tested tale of Man's evolution beyond the Earth. Stanley Kubrik co-wrote (with Arthur C. Clarke) and directed this Academy award winning epic adventure. The story. The discovery of an artificially constructed monolith on the moon catapults a group of astronauts and the ship's intelligent computer upon a quest to discover the next step in Mankind's evolution. The special effects are awesome; unparalleled to this day. The story is an outstanding drama, filled with vision, imagination and an unending spirit of exploration. The technical aspects of this film are truly remarkable. The only minor issue with this movie is the unusually long ending sequence. I give it a 5 out of 5.

Summary: Mankind finds a mysterious, obviously artificial, artifact buried on the moon and, with the intelligent computer HAL, sets off on a quest.

Genre: Fantasy

Year: 1987

Country: USA

Rating:

Starring: Cary Elwes, Mandy Patinkin, Chris Sarandon, Christopher Guest, Wallace Shawn

Director: Rob Reiner

My Review: William Goldman wrote the book and screenplay (also wrote screenplays for Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, The Stepford Wives (original), The Great Waldo Pepper, All the President's Men, Marathon Man, A Bridge Too Far, Heat, The Ghost in the Darkness) for this movie - He's an excellent writer, and I love many of the movies he's written. Rob Reiner ( Spinal Tap, When Harry Met Sally, A Few Good Men, Sleepless in Seattle) directed, and it had a great cast - Robin Wright Penn, Cary Elwes, Mandy Patinkin, Chris Sarandon, Christopher Guest, Wallace Shawn, André the Giant, Fred Savage, Peter Falk, Billy Crystal. It's a classic fairy tale brought to the big screen. A whimsical adventure, a fantastic bed time tale. Told in narrative, the story is a family friendly comedic romance. An enchanting tale of two young lovers. When Buttercup and her stable boy - Westley are separated at a young age, Buttercup is destroyed when she learns that her true love has been murdered by the Dread Pirate Roberts. What follows is an amazing adventure as Westley does his best to wrest his Buttercup from the conniving clutches of Prince Humperdink. Filled with Pirates, Fire Swamps, fencing, giants, giant rodents and rotten aristocrats, this movie is a joy to watch, a story book tale for kids of any age. Perfect production, direction and acting. I give it a 5 out of 5.

Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a beautiful princess, and yes, some kissing (as read by a kindly grandfather).

Genre: Mystery

Year: 1984

Country: USA

Rating:

Starring: Roy Scheider, John Lithgow, Helen Mirren, Bob Balaban, Keir Dullea

Director: Peter Hyams

My Review: 2010 - The Year we make Contact: A sequel to the coveted 2001. Directed and Co-written (with Arthur C. Clarke) by Peter Hyams. Here is a sequel to the outstanding Standley Kubrik version of 2001. This movie follows ex-NASA chief Heywood Floyd (played by Roy Scheider) as he commands a joint U.S. - Soviet mission back to the abandoned spacecraft Discovery in order to reactivate the HAL 9000 computer and learn what happened to the crew of that fateful mission. The movie feels dated with it's U.S. - Soviet tensions, the threat of a Nuclear War and the Commodore 64 style computers. The mystery of Jupiter's moon is well handled and the special effects just as good as 2001. Unfortunately, this movie just doesn't carry the impact that the original (2001) delivered. I give it a 3 out of 5.

Summary: A joint American-Soviet space expedition is sent to Jupiter to learn what happen to the Discovery.

Genre: Thriller

Year: 2001

Country: USA

Rating:

Starring: Morgan Freeman, Monica Potter, Michael Wincott, Dylan Baker, Mika Boorem

Director: Lee Tamahori

My Review: A fine thriller, with some great twists. This movie moves along nicely, with some fair acting (Morgan Freeman is the lead). The best performance came from Mika Boorem (as Megan Rose) as the young spoiled kidnap victim. Morgan Freeman plays a damaged police detective. Down on his luck, trying to recover from the death of his partner. He blames himself for her death, and I was starting to blame myself for picking a standard no plot 'psycho kidnaps kid' profiler plot. But, what stats out as a standard crime drama, quickly turns into a head turning mystery, where the plot twists kept me guessing. Even after watching this movie for the fifth time, I was surprised at a couple of turns. On the down side, the acting wasn't all that good, and their wasn't much in the way of character development.

Summary: A congressman's daughter under Secret Service protection is kidnapped from a private school by an insider who calls Det. Alex Cross, sucking him into the case even though he's recovering from the loss of his partner.