Here's a bit of whimsy; something to make you
chuckle. I've been playing Dungeons & Dragons since 1976, and
during that time, Player references are out of character quotes. Character references are lines spoken in character. |
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Solmar the Paladin: If we kill him he's only dead! What was the Paladin trying to say? We should keep him alive so we could torture him? Paladins say the funniest things sometimes. |
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Grenco the Whisper Gnome: Am I surrounded by ass holes? Solmar the Warforged: At your height you are.. |
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In an effort to communicate with their invisible 'Unseen Servant', the DM has explained that 'Unseen Servant' cannot speak. Undaunted, one particular player thinks he's come up with a way to communicate with the 'Unseen Servant'. Player: Can the 'Unseen Servant' shake it's head yes or no? |
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Character: Oh no, there's a Bat insignia above the door. Now we're Fxxked! | ||
While exploring an underground lake, the party's boat is attacked by a group of giant crocodiles. DM: You're attacked by six man eating 'Crotchodiles', what do you do? Players: We surrender! |
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While exploring an underground lake, the party's boat is attacked by a giant crocodile. The crocodile's immense teeth have perforated the boat, riddling it with savage tears, and immense gashes. The boat is beginning to sink; with water pouring in through several holes in the bottom of the boat. One particular player has come up with a plan to stop the boat from sinking. Player: What we'll do is break up some spears in order to plug the holes. |
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While exploring a trap ridden dungeon complex, the DM rolls some dice, and exclaims - Ah, hah! Player: I'm detecting traps, so it can't be a trap! |
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Sometimes a DM can mess with a party simply by rolling dice, and chuckling softly to himself. Player: Do I know them? DM: Know who? Player: The people that might be there. |
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During one particular session, the party was 'discussing' a difficult situation where they couldn't agree on a course of action. In an effort to move the adventure along, the DM had this to say about the current state of affairs. DM: Arguing about arguing is arguing, believe it or not. |
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Three of the party's characters are caught in the smothering grasp of a deadly monster. They're about to suffocate any minute. Player: I know, I'll drop a wall of ice on it. DM: Your characters won't feel so hot after that. |
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Player: Playing D&D is the only time I can kill people and not get in trouble. | ||
After a character has been bitten by a snake, players typically assume their character has been poisoned. Player #1: Don't drink that potion of neutralize poison, nothing's happening. Player #2: I better take the potion or he'll paralyze my tits or something. |
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While scaling a sheer cliff face, the frayed old rope broke, plunging one particular character down into the fathomless chasm below. Player: But the rope didn't break on 'Poltergeist'! |
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While exploring the ruins of a 'Forbidden City', one particular character is cursed with a beard that grows at a rate of 3 inches per round. |
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Enemy Guards to characters: Surrender, or taste the wrath of our blades! The Paladin in the party: Goons! I'm going to slit your throats. The DM's response: Sounds like a true Paladin. |
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The Paladin in the party decides to interrogate a captured enemy. Character: You better give me some good answers or I'm gonna cut your sackage off. I can do that cuz you're evil! |
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While exploring some ruins, the party discovers an old well. One particular player immediately blurts out this urgent question. |
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During combat with a Stone Golem, one player displays his impeccable logic. Player: It can cut stone, it defeated an Iron Golem. |
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On the verge of combat with the dungeon's 'Boss' monster, one particular player relays his course of action. Player: I commit suicide. DM: Why? Player: Because I don't want to die. |
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One particular player is protesting the fact that his character has just fallen into a pit trap. |
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The party has administered a 'Truth Serum' potion to a prisoner, and begins their interrogation. Character: Do you know what that puppy dog is? Sometimes a DM can mess with a party by introducing an obviously innocuous and innocent NPC into the mix. :-) |
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The following statement was made by a character, while the party of adventurers were searching one of the rooms, in an abandoned house, in the module 'The Sinister Secret of Saltmarsh' (UK1). The room happened to be an old ransacked library. |
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Player: My character goes up to the prisoner after he has been ungaged, and asks.. |
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Character: Troll, we have a freshly killed Gorgon here. Will you let us pass if we let you have it? Troll: ...Umm, o.k. Character: All right boys, let 'im av it! |
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Player: So we need to save the town of Orlane from
an unknown menace. Where exactly is Orlane? |
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On board the SkyShip Corona. |
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Player: Like I said, we're moving around and all; searching for secret walls and stuff. | ||
One particular players character has sunken beneath the surface of a pit filled with mud. In danger of suffocating, he's come up with a brilliant plan Player: I know, I'll cast a 'Create Food and Water' spell, and swim out in the food. |
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DM (reading a monster's description): Troglodytes are
a warlike race of reptilian humanoids, with frog like characteristics...
When angered or engaged in melee, troglodytes secrete an oil that smells
extremely disgusting... (Note from author: If you're French or a Troglodyte (or a French Troglodyte), don't bother emailing
me regarding your offense to these comments. I couldn't care less. It's
humor. Get it? Ha ha, and such..) |
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Character: I'm an elf. I'm interested in everything - except stuff that isn't interesting. |
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The DM's best allies '82: The DM's best allies are 'Chaos and Panic' The DM's best allies '83: The DM's best allies are Chaos, Panic and Paranoia' The DM's best allies '84: The DM's best allies are Chaos, Panic, Paranoia and dissent among the players' |
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Author: Robert L. Vaessen e-mail:
Last updated:
This page has been accessed times since Sat, Feb 22, 2003.